Birthdays & Anniversaries

The time leading up to your baby's birthday or significant anniversary can be particularly painful, however it is my experience that the lead up is actually much harder than the day itself. In the lead up to Lily's 1st birthday I was a mess, as indeed I was before every significant date; the date we found out I was pregnant, Mother's day, Christmas etc. I have learned that great healing can come from the process of acknowledging these significant dates and finding a way to honour my feelings during these times. In fact, it was all the searching I did before Lily's birthday that led me to discover the wonderful baby loss community of support that is available.

It was very important to me to create something special for Lily's birthday. It was a deep need in my soul to honour her and to express my feelings, and at that time I also knew I needed whatever was to emerge to be witnessed. So quietly I began to gather things meaningful to me, I created a ceremony, I invited three of my dear friends to join me, and we together remembered and celebrated my precious Lily.

I carefully chose some poetry, music and readings, I made a special gift for each of my friends, I baked a cake. I put fabric on our lounge floor, lit candles, arranged flowers, scattered stars and hearts all around and placed Lily's ashes at the centre. We gathered, we listened, we shared, we spoke, we all shed a tear and we all invoked laughter, we embraced all the feelings that surfaced, and held such a tender space for healing to flow. My friends did me such a great service that day, they helped me more than they will probably ever understand. I am eternally grateful.

Focusing my energy, allowing and embracing all of my feelings, doing what ever felt right, the combination of internal processing and external validation, these things got me through that first milestone, and continue to be the foundation stone of my healing.

If I can recommend anything to help you in your journey, it would be to explore your hearts desire and to plan ahead to create it. Be gentle on yourself, ask for help, and know that we understand.

Ideas for Birthdays & Anniversaries

In time you may find that you would like to mark the special days after your child has died. Birthdays, anniversaries, special dates that mean so much. 


♥ Let off balloons or lanterns; tie a note or a special message. Please make sure they are 100% biodegradable so that they don't harm the environment.

♥ Plant a special tree, if you don't have a large garden it could be a variety suitable for a container.

♥ Make a scrapbook or shadow box and store pictures and treasured items that are special to you.

♥ Buy something in memory of your baby and keep it as a memento.

♥ Make a donation to the hospital or local charity in memory of your baby.


♥ Make a memory stone; paint your baby's name, dates or a picture. 


♥ Write a message in a bottle, write about your baby, include some tiny memento's relevant to your child and don't forget to include your address as you never know who will write back to you!


♥ Light a special candle of remembrance.


♥ Get awareness bands - I am the father/mother of an angel.


♥ Share your story either on a social networking site or blog, or we would be happy to share it on here. 


♥ Hold an annual charity event in memory of your baby.


♥ Get involved in a cause, volunteering your time to something that is already established.


♥ Write a poem for your baby.


♥ Ask others to write their memories or impressions of your baby, read them aloud at a gathering at your home and maybe include a table with some of your baby's special things as a remembrance 


♥ Plant forget me not seeds

We wish you a beautiful, healing time creating a special birthday/anniversary for your child/ren.

We are sending you Love and Light..... x

A Birthday in Heaven

I heard you crying yesterday
And felt your heart-sent love
So I'm sending you this message
Now, from Heaven up above

You're wondering if I'll celebrate
My birthday (way up here)
I know you're missing me today
I feel your essence near

God planned a special day for me
He told me with a wink
He'd ordered me a special cake
(It's Angel food, I think)

I'm getting lots of hugs from God
He's really good at that
And every time that I walk by
He gives my head a pat

Balloons will fill the streets for me
They float up through the clouds
And we have lots of clowns up here
That make us laugh out loud

There is a birthday carousel
Jewelled horses ride the wind
With music playing oh so sweet…
The magic never ends

I've made so many friends, you see
We laugh and play and sing
We ride our bikes and play jump rope
And sleep in Angel's wings

We'll have our cake and ice cream
And open gifts, surprise!
But we don't blow out our candles here
Instead, they light the skies