Bliss

Overjoyed doesn't begin to describe the elation we felt, after so long trying to conceive, we were beyond excited that at long last our dream had come true. We were going to have our longed for baby.

There are so many moments I treasure and hold safe in my heart from the days and weeks that followed – it's hard to choose which to share with you here, like our weeping with joy as we watched the pregnancy test reveal we were indeed going to be parents and our inability to contain ourselves desperate to share the news with family and friends who knew what a long journey it had been for us to receive our baby.

Brother still sleeping, I phoned my Mum – more tears of joy, to say the words “I am pregnant” as a daughter I had dreamt of speaking those words to my parents so many times, now here it was – I am pregnant – I wanted to shout it too the whole world, so immutable was my gratitude and joy. Still unable to contain my excitement I woke my brother to tell him the news – today is truly a good day!

From where we were staying it was a whole days trip just to go food shopping and this was already planned so off we set my sister-in -law and I to Fort William.

I couldn't stop smiling, the world seemed an entirely different place, I felt entirely different, everything appeared heightened, brighter, clearer, and more alive.

I felt like I was the only pregnant woman ever to walk this earth, I was surrounded by such beauty that seemed to be reflecting all the gratitude and joy I felt inside.

It was March and everywhere I began to see new life emerging, even witnessing with awe a ewe give birth to her two lambs right in front of me. I felt connected to the cycle of life in a new way, experiencing everything through the eyes of a Mother.

I didn't think of myself as a 'Mother to be', I was a Mother - right from the beginning. I embraced that view with all my heart, and I'm so glad I did, it made my journey with Lily so rich and full.

I had never in my life experienced such bliss.

As we completed the food shopping I was bursting with happiness for the secret little life I was carrying, protectively careful not to let anyone accidentally bump my tummy with their shopping trolly, the instant protectiveness took me by surprise, but I wasn't going to let any harm come to the precious new life growing inside of me.

I am so grateful for that day of unbridled bliss, it was a beautiful precious experience that will never be matched, I am glad I was able to let myself 'have it' wholeheartedly and didn't feel I should contain or diminish it in any way. This was a perfect day!

The very next day my best friend and her husband were arriving to spend a few days with us. We managed to keep our secret until we were all sitting enjoying the beautiful sun setting into the sea and there we shared our delight, it couldn't have been more magical.

This special and sacred place, the most north westerly point of the British mainland, my childhood playground, and now I was imagining bringing my child here, carrying on the family tradition.

In these heady days of bliss we wrote names in the sand and chose Lily for a girl and Taigh for a boy. I spoke to our baby describing the beauty surrounding us and how we would play in the rock pools one day, make sandcastles together, and fall asleep listening to the sound of the waves. It was heavenly. I had waited my whole life for this.

I stood by the sea and from deep in my soul I gave thanks to the universe for making me a Mother.

I had been given my bliss.