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Men's Grief

Men often find that their needs get overshadowed by their partners needs, but like them you too may be dealing with many things, such as;

♥ Feelings of confusion and involvement yet powerlessness

♥ With attention focused on your partner, your equally valid feelings are often overlooked, leaving you to deal with them alone.

♥ Focusing on your partner's needs and not being able to think about losing your baby and what this means to you.

♥ Anxiety about admitting your own worries in case they add to your partner's fears.

♥ Believing that you have to be strong and brave, and this preventing you from releasing your own pain.

♥ Guilt about feelings of relief if you hadn't wanted the baby, or if you had even just thought that at any time during the pregnancy.

♥ Illogical yet real feelings of guilt about having sex just prior to the miscarriage.

♥ Struggling to find the 'right' things to say, or how to best support your partner.

♥Trying to deal with the situation logically, wanting to make things ok when this is something you cannot fix.


If you deny yourself the chance to grieve in your own way you may find it harder to heal. You may want to put the whole thing behind you and move on, and become frustrated when your partner still needs lots of support. You might even experience resentment towards your partner and her need to grieve so deeply, especially if she has what seem to you to be unreasonable emotional outbursts.


Try to accept her moods without judgement and be supportive. Share with her how you are feeling about losing the baby. Listen when she wants to talk and resist changing the subject. Above all just love her through this time, she will always remember it and appriciate it, even if it may not seem so at the time.

Remember that the way you each process your grief will be different, just as the way you each bonded with your expected baby was different. Don't be afraid to get outside help to support you together to find understanding and acceptance, to learn how to find healing together. You might feel as if your partner expects you to meet all her emotional needs, this is not only unrealistic but also an unfair burden on you. It is vital that you both feel able to grieve in your own way.



"Gone but not forgotten, although we are apart,

 your spirit lives within me, forever in my heart."

 Author unknown 






Resources For Grieving Dads

The STILL Project hosted a Google Hangout in which five men shared about their losses, it is available to view on You Tube.


Website for grieving dads 

♥ Grieving Dads Project  -


Books written by Fathers

♥ Grieving Dads: To The Brink and Back - By Kelly Farley

♥ When A Man Faces Grief - By James E. Miller

♥ Tender Fingerprints - By Brad Stetsen

♥ A Father's Story - By Lionel Dahmer

♥ A bereaved Father - By Steve Younis






October 15th International Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day + Global Wave of Light
We are very grateful to Scott and Claire for their generous hospitality in hosting us for our annual Remembrance Celebration. We invite you to join us for a very special evening remembering and celebrating all our babies and children gone to soon.
On this special date, we will light candles and be part of the global wave of light around the world. It will be an evening of remembering and honouring our babies, sharing and connecting with those who have travelled this path and those who help us to travel it. 
If you would like to come along, please join our event on Facebook - to help us prepare for accommodating you.

Doors open 6pm please come early to allow time for candle lighting and putting an angel on our remembrance tree in memory of your baby or child. 
There will be tea and coffee afterwards and time to talk and connect with each other.
We hope to see you there, message or email Val with any questions you may have, I will do my best to answer -

We understand that some of you may wish to join us for the Remembrance Celebration but be unable to attend - with this in mind we would like to offer you a way to include your precious babies too. If you send us their name in an email we will honour them by lighting a candle for them and speaking their name with all our babies during the ceremony.
United we honour our precious ones, together we help each other to heal.
Love and blessings, Val x x x