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The New Normal

After experiencing the loss of a baby, after grieving and giving time to start healing, life becomes about finding a new way to live in peace and redefining our own personal reality. Although there is never a point at which one thinks grief ends here, there does come a day when we can look back and think 'I have not felt sad today', we are able to look forward again without feeling guilty and think about things other than our pain.


However, it is not uncommon for some strong feelings of loss to return, especially around the time of anniversaries, or with a trigger such as seeing something on TV or something said or thought or done. This is quite normal, it is an opportunity for deeper healing, for the residues of grief to be released and a greater level of acceptance to be reached. It is useful to take this opportunity to connect with your feelings again, honour them and your baby in whatever way feels right for you. Attending to thses feelings, expressing them in a healthy way will ultimately promote deeper healing.

This can be achieved in many ways, here are a few ideas that can help;


♥ Talking about your feelings.

♥ Expression through artwork, dance, music or writing, keeping a journal can be very helpful, or writing a letter to your baby.

♥ Confronting painful situations such as visiting a friend with a new baby.

♥ Reading supportive books, looking at websites, and joining forums or groups for women who have shared the experience of baby loss.

♥ Take life one day at a time.

♥ Cry, go with your feelings, don't block them.

♥ Put yourself and your needs first.

♥ Get lots of hugs from special people in your life.

♥ Don't put expectations on yourself that you 'should' somehow be better by now, accept yourself exactly as you are now.

♥ Take extra care of yourdelf, treat yourself to a massage or have a beautifully indulgent bath with scented oils and candles.

♥ Eat and drink at regular intervals to keep your blood sugar levels stable and prevent mood swings.

♥ Go for a walk, get some fresh air and light, you can take this time to connect with your baby too.

♥ Try practicing some form of stress release such as yoga, meditation, or relaxation techniques.

♥ Do something in memory of your baby such as lighting a candle, planting a special plant, or buying something special to always remind you of your little one.


Be gentle with yourself, the intensity of the feelings will pass in their own time, and will guide you to a deeper understanding and compassion for yourself and a level of confidence that you can cope.

There may always be unexpected sadness triggers, accepting this helps as well as the experience of surviving previous events. Preparing yourself for known triggers helps, take extra special care yourself or make special arrangements. Maybe plan something about acknowledging your loss or do something distracting but loving for yourself. Let other people know what is going on for you so that they can support you.



"Sometimes love is for a moment

 Sometimes love is for a lifetime

 Sometimes a moment is a lifetime" 


 Author unknown